Help! My Child Won’t Read or Write
Many parents and teacher struggle with the same problem: motivating children to read and write. Both recognize the critical importance of these life-skills. Reading is the gateway to knowledge. Reading is the key to developing the ability to think critically. Reading is fun! Typical of this struggle is an email I just received this morning (name changed to protect the mom from any judgmental readers).
Hi Mark,
I have a son with mild dyslexia and mild to moderate ADD. I have tried to home school him this year but gained limited success in getting him to want to read. He says he likes to read, but rarely does without being asked. He prefers sports and playing!
He also is very hard to get him to write. He says he doesn’t know why he just sits there for minutes at a time. He can take 60 min to produce 6 lines or if given a threat of “no recess, hockey unless…” he can do a full page in 25 minutes.
I am so exasperated, that I feel I must send him back to school to see can someone else help him where I can not!
Do you have a suggestion as to which would benefit us most?
Thanks,
Concerned in Connecticut
So here is my response. I hope that my own personal experience and training as a reading specialist will be of help to both parents and teachers.
—– Original Message —–
From: Concerned in Connecticut
To: mark@penningtonpublishing.com
Sent: Wednesday, June 17, 2009 5:02 AM
Subject: advice please
Dear Concerned in Connecticut,
Sounds like a normal boy to me. I’ve raised three boys, and all three had the same lack of motivation and initiative. Although we all want to idealistically hope that our children will read and write for the love of learning and self-expression, I’ve found this rarely to be the case. Learning is an acquired taste, I’m afraid. But, while that taste is being acquired, I think that some force-feeding is certainly appropriate.
Good teaching and parenting are inherently coercive. You prove this with your carrot and stick method: “…if given a threat of ‘no recess, hockey unless…’ he can do a full page in 25 minutes.” There is nothing wrong with being a behavioralist. I’m not saying that our children are Pavlov’s dogs or that we have to B.F. Skinner our kids to death. However, I do suggest that we use the extrinsic rewards and/or threats until the intrinsic love of learning kicks in. Spoon feed until the child can and will feed himself. Why? Reading is just too important of a life-skill to leave to the whim of an elementary, middle, or high school student. Most all would rather play video games, play sports, or text if given the freedom to choose.
But, you may be thinking… “What if I turn my child off from independent reading? He may never pick up a book to read, if he isn’t forced to read it.”
My own personal experience may be of some help. As a teacher, I gave my three sons a choice every summer: 4 hours of summer school each day at the nearby public school or 90 minutes of daily supervised instruction at home. It was not much of a choice. Each summer the boys chose the option I called Essential Study Skills. All three hated this encroachment on their summer fun and were relieved when they graduated from this chore at age 16. The primary tasks of this daily summer chore was twofold:
1. Independent reading with subsequent discussion of that reading with Dad and
2. Writing an expository paragraph with subsequent response to that writing by Dad and revision thereafter.
By the way, none of the three boys ever read or wrote anything unless required to do so by the teacher or Dad. Oh, Mom did require faithful thank-you notes for every courtesy or gift.
So, how did this coercive approach work out?
In a recent conversation with my oldest son, he admitted that he had actually never read the teacher-assigned independent readings because there was no accountability. Free choice voluntary reading just did not work for any of my boys. However, my oldest son is now a voraciously reader and has sent me so many “You’ve-got-to-read-this” books that I’ve turned to web book reviews in lieu of actually reading all of them. Reading specialists, like Yours Truly, know how to skim and fake it better than most.
My middle and youngest sons only read online. They have to! Both have online businesses and reading and writing are their bread and butter. My youngest son recently commented that he learned how to write effectively due to our summer paragraphs.
I would certainly recommend some basic study skills: including motivational techniques, procrastination prevention, and goal-setting. We do want to equip our children with the skills they need to succeed on their own someday. However, make ‘em read and write until that someday comes.
Cheers!
Mark Pennington
MA Reading Specialist
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The Science of Reading Intervention Program
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